January 23, 2012
-by Sheila M.
Staring down at the blank sheet of paper, or the paper staring up at me – I’ve yet to decide; I sat on the edge of my far-from-neatly made bed and listened as rain drops pelleted against the glass windows. Trying to put into words a way to sum up the past twelve months, now come and gone, before resolving myself into the new year. 23 days its been now that I’ve spent trying to do so, and still…..I got nothin’! And instead, I’ve been trying to make sense of what we all know far too well as the “New Years Resolution”. I started by going through what I already know, and so far this is what I have:
I know this is the time of year I’m supposed to come to terms with last year; accomplishments, failures, changes, challenges and even the stack of clothes I’ve been meaning to donate for far too long. (in case you were wondering, yes, the stack has moved on and no longer resides on my bedroom floor) 🙂
I know this is where people are “supposedly supposed to” wash away the old to make way for the new, in hopes of improving different aspects of everyday life. Unfortunately, the reasons why and how this happens, AKA making infinite promises to themselves that more than likely they won’t be able to keep, is where I fell off track with the New years resolution. Because to be honest…..if you actually DID want to join the local gym, you wouldn’t have waited until January 1st to do so. – End of story.
BUT thankfully, seeing as how I’m a little more than 3 weeks past that deadline, (and I’m not in the market for a gym membership), I may have come up with a new approach on how we’re supposed to go about a “new beginning”, and keep from picking apart pieces of last year that didn’t go as planned.
And that is where my Revolution was born.
Going back to my spiral notebook, completely empty and waiting for a list, a recap, an explanation, practically anything – I kept going over and over why I was having such a difficult time with the old year-new year transition. Words are one thing I’ve never had a problem with.( In fact most of the time, I probably have too many to try and keep them in a logical order.) Then again…I’m not sure if logic was ever my strong suit!
I’ve never been one to jump on the “resolution is the solution” bandwagon for precisely one reason- its not a solution and never has been. However, sitting with my pen and paper in hand, that’s exactly where it hit me – I was trying to do just that. And I was left with only one apparent reason to figure it out- It wasn’t working! Why?
Because its not about resolving, its about reviving.
I was nearly in shock when I made this realization, and wasn’t even sure if it made any sense. But by putting the pieces together, it slowly started to fall in place. That maybe what we’ve been trying to resolve is what has been keeping us from moving forward all along. Don’t get me wrong though, I completely support anyone who truthfully wants change, in whatever form that may be. But its more than just doing so because you feel guilty. Its more than just making a decision and “sticking to it”. It’s a lifestyle. A way of life. A way of living. And as far as actively making the decision to resolve things that may seem like they could have been done differently, it doesn’t necessarily mean that you WANT to change them.
My Resolution ReVolution is not about getting rid of or starting over, but bringing in to new light the old to more clearly understand the new. So I guess in a round about way, you could say that I’m revolting against trying to resolve.
Instead of pointing out the imperfections, as if you can create the perfect “plan” by stamping them out altogether; accept them. You can’t change yesterday, but you can improve from it. Move forward, use them as a guide and when you see things you want to change, you’ll be more apped to WANT to change them. Not because you feel guilty or because it sounds like a “good” idea. Because if that’s the case, you may not “resolve” anything. You may actually result in feeling even more guilty or discouraged if you can’t keep up with your new plan.
So where does all this lead?
23 days of thinking.
a little more than an hour spent explaining.
no more blank pages left in my notebook.
and one blog post you’ve just finished reading.
All I can say is;
that’s more than what I started with. 😉
And if I haven’t lost you by now- I’d really like to hear some other thoughts other than mine!